When are we truly happy?
Happiness is something we perpetually chase — sometimes it’s a breeze, sometimes it’s a struggle. Regardless of who you are, where you are, and whatever situation you’re in, happiness is always being sought after. We tend to think that happiness lies in success, money, fame, power etc, and to a certain extent, they most definitely do. Yet, it can be distilled that more often than not, happiness leads to success rather than the other way around. All the other nuts and bolts then fall into place like soldiers in a parade.
Here’s Snail by Panic, a melancholic tune to complement this piece. Sway along as we sail across the vast ocean of happiness~
Finding Happiness Amidst Hopelessness — The Mauritanian & The Prison Playbook
I’ve recently watched The Mauritanian (2021, Movie) and The Prison Playbook (2017, K-Drama), both of which spoke volumes on finding happiness in places of hopelessness.
The Mauritanian is based on the true story of Guantánamo Bay detainee Mohamedou Ould Slahi who was suspected as the head recruiter for the 9/11 attacks, and was imprisoned for 14 years without charge before being released in 2016. This movie presented the audience a victory for non-violence, a resounding victory of the pen. Slahi actually worked on a book titled ‘Portable Happiness’ whilst in Cuba, a five-year long effort. It never left Cuba but the proof of concept did, when Slahi published Guantánamo Diary, a memoir of his arduous times by the Carribean Sea.
The Prison Playbook is a slice-of-life K-Drama that revolves around Baseball Superstar Kim Je-Hyeok. He was poised to make his debut in the Major League in US, but when he sees his sister getting sexually assaulted, he beats the suspect to death. He finds himself thrown into jail, surrounded by murderers, drug lords and thieves. The famous pitcher became a fallen hero overnight. The show would then go on to display how he casts about for happiness in a dreadful place void of gaiety and joy.
These two cases in point reveal how even when wolves surround you, happiness can be found. Close your eyes and imagine you’re out at sea, the waves crashing against your body. Do you hear the seagulls? You’re in a good place. When you free the mind and anchor your soul, happiness can be obtained.
There is certainly joy in the thrill of the chase and the charge of the hunt, but how can we truly seek happiness if we are persistently chasing a notion that we fail to grasp? At the end of the day, we are the masters of our destiny, and happiness. The first step to finding true happiness, is to realise and accept that very fact.
Have you ever wondered that perhaps, it is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness?
“I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.”
F.Scott Fitzgerald in ‘The Great Gatsby’ (1925)
Happiness as an Inverse Function of Ego
Ego is a powerful tool for success and accomplishment, but it’s a terrible guide for happiness. Happiness levels in human beings tend to be in an inverse proportion to one’s level of ego. Children are happy as their ego is dormant till adolescence, after which they too, increasingly become unhappy.
People with bigger egos want everything and everyone to function as per their desires and wants. This creates tension, with the friction causing intrinsic, internal and external clashes, resulting in hostility and unhappiness.
Egoistic persons can be pseudo happy for some time, though not for long. They are generally found to be isolated and unhappy. Ego needs to be subjugated for us to be happy. This is what all religions teach. Even for the non-religious Man, egos need to be kept in check for one to be truly content. Simply put, the ego’s form of happiness cannot exist without unhappiness.
Standards of Happiness
A child is happy till he isn’t fed. Saints are happy till they are unable to preach.
In different cultures and societies, it can seem as though some sort of standard has been set and adopted on a larger scale, but it is all arbitrary. There is no one standard that we can conform to because we are all inherently different. Differences in nature and nurture would make us see things in varying lights. Some people are happier than others because they are easily pleased and can be content with the simplest pleasures in life. Some are less content and appear to want more out of life, hence they are continually attempting to better themselves.
Everybody possesses a unique personality. You will find nobody exactly similar to you at present, in the past or by the same analogy, in the future. This uniqueness and dynamic of the human personality brings about the different sources of happiness, which is very much a relative phenomenon.
“We work very hard to reach a goal, anticipating the happiness it will bring. Unfortunately, after a brief fix we quickly slide back to our baseline, ordinary way-of-being and start chasing the next thing we believe will almost certainly — and finally — make us happy,” wrote Frank T. McAndrew, a Professor of Psychology at Knox College, Illinois.
The measure of happiness is found in many facets of our lives. Happiness and success will come spontaneously when you find the belief in yourself and know who you truly are. To constantly measure success, happiness and satisfaction is not a particularly good thing as it is emotionally draining. It does nothing for you, so try not to bother about in it.
A piece I wrote previously about Happiness and Satisfaction. Have at it.
Defining Your Own Version of Happiness
We are so often tied up in trying to conform to societal norms to fit in, seeking affirmations from others and people-pleasing, as though we value other people’s happiness and opinions over our own. Do we actually? Now that’s a scary thought to harbour. Before we know it, we become deeply entrenched in a life we don’t want and we feel like we don’t even know what we want or what makes us happy.
Yet, the answers are all thrown into the mix somewhere. We simply have to sift through the haystack to find the needles, and once we do find them, to take steps to realise the finer things in life.
We must ourselves, define our personal versions of success and happiness as we all share different values, goals and outlooks. This requires us to dig deep into our individuality, our psyche, to really get in touch with ourselves — something most of us don’t really do to any degree.
“If you’ve got nothing to dance about, find a reason to sing.”
Melody Carstairs
Are You Happy?
This is the Are You Happy Documentary that follows a man who travels round the world to ask people the eternal question: Are You Happy? The raw footages that I’ve seen the past year have been nothing short of heart-warming, tear-jerking and inspirational.
Everybody in this world is in search of this secret sauce we call happiness. But people fail to define it clearly. Happiness should be such as would never be followed by misery. If you think that there is any happiness like that in this world, seek it out for yourself.
True happiness lies within the ‘Self’. ‘Self’ is the abode of bliss and people have been wandering in search of that happiness in transient things. You are the measuring tool of your own happiness. Nobody and nothing can make you happy until you’re happy with yourself first.
Be content with yourself. Set your own standard of happiness. Only then, can the bluebird of happiness come your way.
Alexander SR Pang
ALEXANDER SR PANG 